Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
