obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
