oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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