My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think my moral compass just broke
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
