Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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