the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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