college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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