do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize