Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize