I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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