You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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