so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
