I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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