I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think a kid would responsible me up
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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