Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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