I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
