Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
