Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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