Betty ford says i'm here all night
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
