it's too hot outside to masturbate.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
