He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
