Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My penis needs a shock collar
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
soo... how was my night?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
