Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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