I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
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just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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