can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
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