I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
handjob tips. give me some.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
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We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
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Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?