i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.