you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
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Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.