Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
