i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.