but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You're earring is so big in my mouth
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
