so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
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Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
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We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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