Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
