Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
