I wish I could punch you in the face.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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