i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
