i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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