drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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