Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
