Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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