im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
