Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
