I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
