cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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