I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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