i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
