Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
