From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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