how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Everclear isn't food dammit
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
