It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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