she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
