I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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