but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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