Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
