I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
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This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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