so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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