Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
