I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
