I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
