I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
