is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my phone needs a breathalizer
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
