Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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