I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
nutella sex= disaster
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
