she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
