oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
