It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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