Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
