He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
