My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
