Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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