so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
