I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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