i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
