We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How does it feel to date your dad?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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