i permit you to call me
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
