Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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